Oh Vince

Those of you who are still cutting your vegetables by hand must have a real boring life. I can't even imagine that you are wasting your time with actually preparing your meals by hand. According to Vince down below you are really in for a great time. Why are you in for a great time, because you are about to see one of my favorite infomercials. "The Slap Chop" This guy Vince also brought you the "Shamwow." I find it hilarious that he says the phrase "your going to love my nuts." Why on earth would the producer of this or the company selling it think, "Dynamite, what a line." This guy for some reason gives me the willies every time I see him. I try to picture myself at a friends house with this guy coming over and actually meeting him. I would definitely not let him around my wife. I just don't trust this guy. There is not a whole lot to say just watch it and enjoy. Oh by the way there is an audio clip of Billy Mayes saying that he hates this guy. I mean a clip of Billy Mayes yelling that he hates this guy.

Slap Chop

Sprint is so classy

This one is going to be short. Have you seen the Sprint Cell phone commercials? The commercials were the CEO of Sprint Mobile is walking down the street or sitting in a bar in black and white with classical music playing? He tells us that we should expect more from a cell phone company and if we pay $100 a month we can get it all. Why on earth would someone sitting at home say to themselves "you know I think I need to switch to this classy, elegant cell phone company run by this guy." Why would sprint think that we want to see a commercial that advertises themselves as sophisticated and then walk into there crappy stores in the mall with no customers and yellow walls? I don't even know anybody with Sprint. It's like the worst company pretending to be for the upper class. Talk about missing your audience.

Think with your what?

So Castrol Gtx, is a company that sells oil for your car. They have this commercial which can be seen below about a Scottish guy who whips people with a dipstick used to measure your oil content in your engine. I'll be honest this is a funny one for me and all 12 year old boys. However lets take a look at what is going on here. If you were a grown man and every time you chose to put an oil inside your car would you want a random Scottish guy appearing out of thin air and then assaulting you with a thin metal rapier? How creepy is that? I understand the adult humor that is supposed to be applied here with the whole "think with your dipstick", but i have to say women have been trying to get men for centuries to not think with their dipstick, and then when we think with our brains we are physically attacked by a real life Groundskeeper Willie? (Simpons refrence) What a scary scenario. Watch below and when the guy gets hit by Willie, think to yourself, I would turn around and deck that guy back to Scotland, but this guy just takes it. So next time you get your oil changed, for your own safety think with your dipstick.

Dipstick?

The Snuggie is Uggggly!

(Below is the video for this thing.) So I am thinking if you have watched TV in the last 6 months you have seen this thing advertised. I have a few problems with this item. Actually I don't have problems with the item but rather the commercial. If I am in the comfort and privacy of my own home what the heck lets put it on and keep warm. However, if you have friends or family come over to visit, you should probably put the "Friar Tuck" outfit away. This makes me laugh every time I see this on TV. I wasn't going to write about this one because it is a low budget commercial that obviously sucks, but I just couldn't help myself. The part that gets me laughing every time is when the family is at the soccer game High-Fiving each other. They look like a group of clans men without the hood. Imagine you're at the kids soccer game and all of the sudden the Johnson family comes up the bleachers all wearing matching monk outfits. You would loose it right there, and if they sat next to you, how could you hold a serious conversation with them? How could you old any kind of conversation with them? I wasn't going to get one until they threw in that reading light for free. What a deal!

Snuggie Video

Poor Italians

So have you ever been to a really nice Italian restaurant? Maybe you have known an Italian who lives in America and has made you the best Italian food you have ever had. Maybe you have even been to Italy and experienced the sweet aromas, delicious flavors and great culture in person. I imagine you have told everyone about the most authentic Italian food you have eaten and wish you could relieve it again. Now put yourself in the shoes of Italians who eat this wonderful food everyday. So here is the commercial, Pizza Hut claims to be in Italy and secretly serves the lasagna to Italians who then rave about how it is the best lasagna they have ever had. Are you kidding me! You expect use to believe that a group of native Italians are eating Pizza Hut lasagna and having the time of their life. We have two options here. Either these Italians were hand selected because of their lack of taste buds or this idea. Pizza Hut took a gamble on shooting a commercial in Italian with subtitles knowing that Americans don't speak Italian and that they could have the subtitles say whatever they wanted. They knew that if Italians saw the commercial it wouldn't matter because real Italians would never buy from Pizza Hut in the first place so they wouldn't be losing a customer base. I took a college level Italian class and learned a few things myself. What they are really saying is this, " This is the worst crap I have ever put in mouth." "It tastes like an American fast food chain made this garbage." "I am only smiling because this is too funny and my mind can't comprehend what this mystery restaurant is serving us." So imagine you're an Italian in Italy walking down the street with your friends and family and suddenly someone says please enter this mystery restaurant and everyone must eat lasagna. "Oh, OK, this sounds like a great idea. Come on everybody lets go inside." Does Pizza Hut think we are morons, that cheap ingredients made by 16 year old kids who only work at Pizza Hut for 4 weeks is going to provide us with a lasagna that rivals if not surpasses homemade lasagna from Italy! All I have to say is if those Italians were telling the truth they should be exiled from Italy. So who is the joke on, Americans or Italians. Good one Pizza Hut.

Direct Insanity

Before I start this one I would like to preface that I worked in a bank as a teller. I know what it is like to be in a bank environment when hostility and fear are around.
Direct TV has a commercial where a bank robbery is taking place. There are several bank robbers with masks and guns. What a scary situation. However in the midst of this pant wetting experience a man takes out his mobile phone to quickly set his DVR at home so that he doesn't miss his favorite TV show. I know what your thinking? "Oh, how funny, it's a commercial." Your right it is just a commercial, but let us put ourselves in this situation for a brief moment. Your at your local bank standing in line to make a deposit. Your thoughts are running around about the dinner you need to cook, the kids you need to pick up, and the hope that this check your depositing is not just going into your bank account to cover the overdraft fee you pretended didn't exist. All of the sudden you hear "Get on the floor" You turn to see several masked men with guns taking over the bank. Your first thought of "Oh my gosh! I'm going to die" followed by " My family, my kids , my spouse." These are not your first thoughts. Lets get real, your thinking about how you might miss "Lost" tonight and you'll never understand what the heck is going on in that show. Your thinking, "What is one missed episode of Lost anyway, I could watch every episode twice and be just as confussed as a guy who only saw the previews." Your thinking, "I wonder who gets voted off Dancing with the Stars?" So you quickly pull out your expensive phone that costs more than a months paycheck which you shouldn't have bought because you don't have any money in the bank to begin with and try to hide while remotely controlling your DVR that also is to expensive for you to own, and setting it to record a TV show that you told yourself you would stop watching! All the while trying to be undetected for fear that a bank robber would miss interpret your phone dialing as calling the police. How dare that bank robber think I'm using my phone for the good of the bank and it's money. I am trying to set my DVR to record a program I don't really like in the first place just in case this situation gets out of control and I don't make it home on time. What a technology.

Creepy

When was the last time you went to a fast food restaurant and ate a meal that looked so good people couldn't stop staring at you? Or should I say stop staring at your meal. McDonald's has done it again. Their new add has a guy eating a quarter pounder with cheese that looks a hundred times better than it actually looks in person. A young attractive girl sits across from him ignoring the guy she is with, all the while stalking the guy with the quarter pounder. She bites her lip, plays with her straw and longingly wishes she was..... This is the part that just creeps me out. Does she wish she was the hamburger? Does she wish she was the guy eating the hamburger? Look lady if you want the hamburger stand up and buy yourself one you're already there. If you want the guy, stop using McDonald's commercials for your private interests. This commercial just makes me think if I was the guy eating the burger and a pretty girl was flirting with my hamburger while I was eating it, I would probably change tables. Come to think of it this scenario is not that far fetched, I have had this experience before, except the pretty girl was a middle aged man who needed a shower and treated his table as a home office. So next time your eating fast food that just mesmerizes people find the nearest exit as quickly as possible, to avoid an awkward situation.

Parties!

Have you ever seen a party that only has a bowl of fat free, extra healthy (meaning cardboard) tasting popcorn? Have you ever been to a party where grown women slide down a child's slide into a blow up pool full of balls while the other women through popcorn at her? This might be the worst party ever. Well Orville Redenbacher thinks this is a great way to spend an evening. The commercial shows a party where women are placing one or two potato chips in a bowl and then comparing the fun of their evening with the fun that the popcorn nuts are having. I'm going to be quit honest here, both of those parties look like a disaster. If I ever showed up to a party were that was all we ate and did then I would never speak to those people again. And for the women acting like an out of control daycare with no supervision, I would probably get a restraining order on them or move out of town. Whoever gave the go ahead on that commercial must not be a regular party goer, or ever attended a party for that matter. So next time you host a party please have real food and beverages to share with your friends.